Saturday, May 17, 2008

Sort-of Live Blogging the Ford Best in Texas Shootout

Last night, Montana Barn Cat and I decided to set the laptop up and make notes while we watched the Ford Best in Texas Shootout in San Antonio. The result is what you see here. We can't truthfully call it "live blogging" because we didn't post as we watched, and our devoted readers should probably thank their lucky stars for that. There are not many folks who can stand to be in the same room with me while I'm watching the PBR.

It was fascinating, though, to watch a one-day event with that kind of attention. My conclusions: the bulls are still better than the boys, hands down; the judging is still just about incomprehensible, as Michael Gaffney demonstrated with his confession that he doesn't understand the "voodoo" the judges do to decide who else will get to ride when there aren't 15 qualified rides for the short-go; and it's time to inaugurate
The Stockyard Queen's Hoof in Mouth Award, to be given out whenever warranted to the person or persons who make the biggest asses of themselves on the air. I bet you already know who gets the prize this week.

With those disclaimers, here is the (barely) edited transcript. Be forewarned: You may learn way more about us than you really want to know.

SQ at 6:00 We're in San Antonio! I've heard it's a neat town, and that it's the ugliest town in Texas. Anybody out there have an opinion based on experience?
SQ @ 6:05 The best of the three contenders below Marchi is riding about 62 percent of his bulls. Guilherme is riding 80 percent. And I notice that Gaffney isn't talking about Travis Briscoe being able to make a run for the title anymore.
SQ @ 6:08 Vampire is pretty! Don't you just want to scratch his head? No?
SQ @ 6:10 Barn Cat found the PBR in HD! Awesome! Justin McKee says the draft is one of the most exciting things the PBR "has came along with." They better take that cap and gown away from him. I recall that Ty Murray declined to work behind the chutes, saying he didn't want to be a "chute bitch." Does that make McKee one?
SQ @ 6:13 Bad Yeller pitches Brian Herman off into the dirt. Justin Farley hits the ground off Savage Shaker. Robson Palermo is back! Yay!
BC @ 6:15 Don't jack with Robson!
SQ @ 6:18 "A tale of two Travises" indeed! 1 in 13! And he's still 6th in the world. And he rides Grey Dog for the first qualified ride. 89.25??? Can you be serious?
Robson finally gets out of the chute and gets faceplanted.
SQ @ 6:21 Hustler was amazing.
I don't think I have ever been sicker of any commercial than John Byrne and Nancy Walters dancing in Las Vegas. I bet I have seen that ad 200 times since 2000. Mr. Byrne, grabbing your crotch is not sexy. And where did you find those outfits, some 70s vintage joint on the Strip?
Now I'm seeing an ad where a woman in a coffee house moves her laptop from one table to another and loses her wifi signal. For half a horrified second, I thought the book they handed to her through the bars was the Book of Mormon.
SQ @ 6:25 Tater Porter is taking the guys wake boarding in Orlando.
Silver Wings bucks Clayton Williams off and gets a huge bull score.
Rocky McDonald gets a qualified ride but gets stepped on. Oh, crap! He's cradling his right arm. Isn't that the hand he lost the thumb off last year?
McKinnon Wimberly gets bucked off.
Now my favorite PBR commercial--Adriano on Sticks and Stones, "one of the meanest bulls in the go-round."
SQ @ 6:33 Mike Lee on Smiley. He hauls off and slaps the bull on the head while they're still in the chute. That's no way to make friends. Smiley has a horrible trip but he still gives Frank Newsome a shot. "There's one thing about Smiley--he's mean," says Justin McBride.
Josh Koschel gets bucked off.
SQ @ 6:36 Looks like the guys are serious about preventing another Chris Shivers-type accident. Smoking Liz is trying to climb over the railings but the guys pull Dustin Hall clear out of the chute.
An ad I've never seen before: "A Gerber man lives by one rule--his own." Or, behaving like a big macho dickhead.
SQ @ 6:40 Could we please not revisit Justin McBride's ride last year on Camo at the finals? Talk about a ride scored way too high!
Nick Landerneau rides The Rookie.
SQ @ 6:44 Ben Jones and Tar Baby. Damn, that bull spins fast! No dancing for Ben, unless you count his stumbling around after he gets bucked off.
Kody Lohstroh on Who's There--he falls off and now he's praying! Maybe he's praying he won't lose his bull rope next time.
Ednei Caminhas and Full Throttle. Decent looking ride. And now he's pointing to heaven. Please, guys, cut it out. 89 points.
SQ @ 6:48 Dan Hendricks and Skat Jacket. I guess changing diapers doesn't prepare you to ride in the PBR.
Sorry, I had to split for long enough to fire up the grill. No, we haven't eaten yet. We don't eat on the clock here, especially on PBR nights.
SQ @ 6:52 What in hell is Leah Garcia wearing? She looks like she clubbed some small animal outside the arena and threw the skin on her back about three seconds ago. Actually, I think I've asked that same question about the same outfit at least twice before. At least Travis isn't praising God during the interview.
Kolt Donaldson on Full Circle. Off he goes.
Michael Gaffney: "The voodoo that they do at the office [to determine who rides in the short-go if they don't have 15 qualified rides] is beyond me and over my head."
SQ @ 6:56 Guilherme! What a ride! They can't complain he wasn't in control that whole ride. 87.5. He was robbed.
Now Justin McKee is weighing in on the fact that Marchi is consistently scored too low. Of course, he does so by suggesting that they should give him another quarter point because "he takes away from the bulls." Justin McBride says, "The judges got it right for once." Well, since he has sometimes benefited from the judges favoring him, I'm not surprised at that opinion.
Sean Willingham is 83.25 on Spotted Frog.
Dustin Elliott on Hambone--"Hambone looks like the real deal." Did to me, too. I'm going to watch that bull.
Handing off to Barn Cat @ 7:00 Ross Coleman on Political Weapon. Well, he's goin' straight. Ow, ow, ow. Mixed up rope situation--reride for sure. Yup.
BC @ 7:06 I love that bull's voice. Black Mamba tries to buck off Wiley but can't quite do it.
SQ back, having put the ribs on the grill, @ 7:10. Zack Brown goes 6.9 seconds on Fear Factor.
Ned Cross and Cool Whip. This bull needs to head on down to Burger King. What a bore. 88.75 points?????? How can this be?
Matt Bohon goes down hard off Leprechaun.
Cord McCoy overcorrects on Derringer and comes down.
Barn Cat isn't holding up his end of the blogging. Now he's claiming he never said he'd blog, he'd just "set it up." He'd climb a tree to tell a lie. He's also drunk all the wine, which makes two.
Now Barn Cat is complaining because I have glitter in my hair. That's what happens when you try on the $1 Uncle Sam hat at Target.
SQ @ 7:18 Colby Yates bucks off Red Carpet--thrown back into the chutes.
Adriano goes 1.9 seconds on Blizzard! That bull is one of my favorites. Shorty Gorham says Blizzard is overlooked because he doesn't have horns.
Foolish Pride--probably the best bull we've seen so far. What great jumps! Pistol Robinson doesn't have a chance.
Mike White comes off Rock Star toot sweet. That was one fast corner the bull turned.
SQ @ 7:22 Bryan Richardson goes flying off Nasty Mike. Gaffney has gotten skunked--none of his picks have ridden. He's shut out for the first time.
BC @ 7:23 They should call cage fighting "Cat Fighting."
SQ @ 7:23 I don't care if that guy is a Marine, cage fighting is stupid.
SQ @ 7:25 Cooper Tires Don't Give Up a Thing athlete profile. Mike Lee is slurring his words so badly I can hardly understand him. He really needs to quit. "I'm mature now, I'm a different person." I'd have to agree with that, for completely different reasons.
Ross Coleman gets tossed off El Gato and out of the short-go.
J.B. Mauney has a good trip on Wild Life. Probably is a 90 point ride.
SQ @ 7:30 After that awful wreck in Des Moines, Austin is back on Harley. Not much bull there but he gets the job done. 86.5.
They are FINALLY reporting on Kasey Hayes' injury. Speak, Leah! C5, C6, and C7 fused! Yikes! I'm betting he won't be back, period. And Rocky McDonald got stepped on in the same place as before, but he's coming back for the short-go.
SQ @ 7:35 Brian Canter gets pitched off Strip Me in short order.
Nothing makes me happier than seeing Brendon Clark getting bucked off Buckwheat. Or any other bull. I really don't like Brendon Clark, haven't since I saw how he treated Anna on "Beyond the Bull." I don't think all that pissy behavior was "taken out of context," as politicians say when they're trying to explain that they really didn't say what they so plainly did say.
Valdiron deOliveira gets an excellent ride on Mastermind.
BC: I like that bull's tail!
SQ @ 7:40 Kurt Hummer remarks that voodoo will be called upon. Maybe they can just call in the point fairy. Why pay two salaries?
L.J. Jenkins has a short trip on Vampire.
Okay, so now they are explaining that it's "computer drawn" rather than straight-up pin-the-tail-on-the-bull voodoo. Three will be picked since there were only 12 qualified rides.

On to the bull draft and the short-go! It's the first one-day event that will have the bull draft. Justin McKee is officiating. The picks are:
JB and Hot Stuff
Travis and Hot Pistol
Ednei and Lil' Slim
Ned Cross and Camo
Wiley Peterson and Red Chester--Wiley sounds drunk
Guilherme and Buckeye
Nick L and Zorro. For secret reasons, we like that bull a lot.
Mike Lee and Big Rig.
Austin and Ricky Bobby.
Valderon and Lightning McQueen. Cody Lambert is going to translate. Valderon just points to the list and Justin McKee assures Cody that he can understand that much Portuguese.
Rocky McDonald and Cowboy. McKee: How you feeling? McDonald: Good. Stockyard Queen: What is this, a Gary Cooper impersonation contest?
Sean Willingham and Bonafide.

That's it for the qualified riders. The three random draws are:
Jared Farley and Black Gold.
Dustin Hall and King Solomon.
Bryan Richardson and Jacob's Pet, the top Classic bull in the land. "Cody Lambert says that's the best bull in the pen," Mr. Richardson opines.

7:55 A short segment on the protective vest. I hereby nominate Dr. Tandy Freedman as the bravest guy at the PBR. It takes real guts to sit up there every week and hope for the best and expect, and be prepared to handle, the worst. Wiley Peterson says, "Cody Lambert changed the sport pretty good" when he brought the protective vest into the PBR. Yeah, wasn't he riding at the same time as Lane Frost? Wiki says he was, but we have to take Wiki with a grain of salt. And that vest has pockets for your snoose! What else could you ask for?

Due to a series of domestic emergencies, mostly having to do with the fact that we can't cook and watch the PBR and blog at the same time, the times posted from here on out are suspect. Our apologies, but we have to think about what we'll be doing after this event is over. Like, finally, eating. Barn Cat has been pressed into service to make salad. That's how seriously I am taking this.

SQ @ 8:05 The championship round is starting! Bryan Richardson, off Jacob's Pet in short order. JP remains unridden.
Dustin Hall: King Solomon gets rid of him and takes a run at the bullfighter. Yee-haw!
Why do they keep saying, "There's not a bad bull in the pen." Who are they trying to convince?
Jared Farley on Black Gold--just barely makes the whistle. Guess he's glad the voodoo is working.
Sean Willingham: Bonafide is a big, fat pig. Where's the Burger King truck? That bull looked like he was asleep.
Rocky is off Cowboy pretty quick. Please, Gaffney, don't say "Jump for jump."
Valderon aboard Lightning McQueen. Another sleeper. As much as I love Valderon, that was very dull.
And here it comes, from the lips of Justin McBride, the comment that Valderon is also a contender to beat Guilherme because "He doesn't understand what anybody is saying anyway." DING DING DING DING! Wheel out
The Stockyard Queen's Hoof in Mouth Award. Add this trophy to your case, Justin! You need to take some of that cash you've won and go back to college. It's not just to get you a job--it's to help you become a citizen of the world, which you clearly are not.
Austin Meier: Windmilled off Ricky Bobby. A close call--not pretty. If I were Austin, I might be thinking about a different career.
Mike Lee out the back door on Big Rig. McBride: "You see him spin like he's supposed to." So I guess we're admitting that spinners always outscore jumpers. I'd just like somebody to explain WHY.
Nick L and Zorro. A very short trip. And that's why we love that bull. That and our secret reason.
Report on the Bull Teams.
Guilherme climbs into the chute! Buckeye is unridden and he's pretty. What a correction! "This is destiny," says Hummer. That was amazing, AND we see it week after week. And the crowd is booing because the score is 87.25. "The bull covered a lot of ground," says Gaffney, and that's why the judges scored him low. ********. And the rest of you who are making excuses for them, you're ******** too. "The score without a doubt is right." Uh-huh.
And what is the deal with Hummer's haircut, anyway? It's not exactly regulation Marine. He looks like he stuck his head in a lard bucket and then ran his fingers through his hair.
Wiley Peterson gets bucked off. Close don't count.
Ned Cross and Camo. One jump--that's that. It is nice that Justin McBride would like to buy him and retire him to his ranch. I guess nobody is all bad, though I wouldn't let my little girl feed an ex-PBR bull. How old is that kid now, 3? 4 tops.
Ednei and Lil' Slim. Reride? "A bull that puts his tail up in the air ain't bucking that hard," says Mr. McBride. Another lesson in bull physiology, or psychology, or something. Ednei gets a reride on Medicine Man.
Travis and Hot Pistol. He's in serious trouble at 4 seconds. I really thought he was about to get head butted. Sorry about your shirt, Travis.
J.B. is done. The bull isn't.
BC: That bull looks like a pig.
SQ: You're right. But he got the job done.
Ednei on Medicine Man. And off he goes, with the added bonus of a horn in the face.
Valderon wins! And I don't know if you noticed, but when he got spun so close to the chute, he pulled his ride back in. He totally knows where he is in space as well as on the top of the bull.

So that's the little window into our world this weekend. Hope you enjoyed at least part of it. The ribs were a little spicy, but the salad was delicious.


shannon said...

I so wish I could watch the finals with you, too. It'd be a blast!

So much to comment on here, but I don't want to babble too much (if you haven't noticed--I'm a talker *g*).

Did Justin really say that about Valdiron?! I don't listen to the commentators too much. Anyway, the guy isn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed, is he? I remember hearing him say in a movie or something that he didn't pay much attention in school because he didn't need it to ride bulls. Then, I see a scene with him and Tandy after he's been stepped on. Tandy says "I think you've broken both bones in your leg." Justin wails in response "I've only got but one leg bone, Doc!". I would think a basic lesson in anatomy might be a good thing for you, Justin---and consider another English course while you're at it.

I'll reiterate your question to the judges in response to the spinners vs. the buckers: "Why?!". Marchi's ride looked just as hard, if not harder than the others. Great correction, too! However, knowing what I do about the judges ideas of a good bucker, I couldn't have been the only one to predict that score. Add to it, that he had to make a correction in the first place (meaning he was losing control), the score didn't shock me at all. Do I agree with it? Nope. It just didn't surprise me.

And on a more shallow/fun note: I think Dan (new guy??) and Bryan Richardson need to stand next to each other for a picture. The neon green and neon pink chaps would look great on film and very nostalgic for those of us that wore those colors in the 80s.

Oh and as for Kasey being out: According to a recent LJ interview, he's talking about being back in three months. We'll see.....

Great blog as usual, you two. Thanks!

Stockyard Queen said...

Glad you liked it, Shannon. I had my doubts about it, since we get out of control sometimes. Yes, Justin did say that about Valderon. I don't think Justin is stupid, just ignorant sometimes, which to me is way worse. He's just damned fortunate he's managed to make some money riding bulls, because he doesn't have much to fall back on.

And no, I wasn't surprised by Guilherme's score, but I've decided to raise as much hell as I can whenever I think he's getting the shaft.

It would be fun to get together sometime at an event. Maybe we can work that out. Are there any events close to where you are?

Stockyard Queen said...

Oh, and I think it's great you're sending Kasey a card. I'm sure he'll appreciate it.

shannon said...

"It would be fun to get together sometime at an event. Maybe we can work that out. Are there any events close to where you are?"

I live the closest to Anaheim and have attended that event the last two years in a row (all three nights both times). If I didn't have young, school aged children, I would travel to a couple others at least, but for now because of that and the expense involved, the Anaheim one will be my yearly treat to myself. If you think you could make it out here, though, I'd be thrilled. Last year, I went alone and this year, I went alone on Friday, but was joined by two non-bull riding fans on the next two nights (To their credit they seemed to have a good time and were good sports about humoring me. But, I think it would have been more fun with an actual fan.).

I'm sure Kasey's getting a fair amount of mail these days and I'm sure it's appreciated. It's too bad, though, that we'll never really know for sure if he even got the card or what his reaction is to the fan treatment. I wonder what goes through their minds when they get tons of mail (I bet Chris Shivers and Justin got tons of it!)?

Underblog said...

Great post! Finally MBC weighs in! Exclamation points! I've heard that San Antonio is fun town, the river walk and all that. But it is TX after all. . .

Stockyard Queen said...

Shannon, we lived in LA for five years and we have family still out in that area, so we've talked about going to the Anaheim event. Maybe we should make a very tentative date to meet next year in Anaheim. What do you think?

Stockyard Queen said...

UB, the whole Texas aspect does give me pause. But we want to come to ABQ next year for the event there. You and Sherman could come with us, our treat!

Jean said...

Shannon, for SOME of us, those neon pink and green chaps are from a time a tad earlier than the 80's (cough... wheeze never you mind how much earlier). Why oh why do those colors and styles keep coming back?! I'd so much rather people look like Donna Reed and Cary Grant than Austin Powers.

So many of these guys riding attended Odessa College in Texas because of their rodeo program. I think we should pen a letter to their English Department (provided they have one) and let them know that we're unimpressed.

ALL of the announcers make me crazy. "G-Man" needed to gargle with Immodium AD again this weekend because there never was an orifice that ran so. Not even on a bull. Justin McB is at least more amusing, when he isn't being offensive, now that he isn't riding. When he was riding and would play announcer, he'd just be cocky, critical "If you cain't ride all the bulls you shouldn't be riding at this level". Craig is just an idiot. He must sit up late at night all week long trying desperately to figure out the dumbest possible things to say about each bull. "And if El Gato bucks off his rider, I'll say 'he was El Gatton, but if he gets ridden I'll say he El Gat'er Done". Justin McK was much more amusing, when he wasn't being offensive. Can't someone hire Donny Gay????!! "He thew him off lak a dirty shirt in the corner!" or "He 'bout got his bidness horned in on!" and the best "HOOOEY I thought he was gonna get a ivory enema there!" Now THAT'S announcing.

We need to gang up and duct tape the judges to Reindeer. End of problem.

SQ love the blog posts! I just haven't had time to comment lately. I've so busy with the short horses and so PBR deprived that I've been wondering if I can teach my hooved critters to buck. Thankfully, I came to my senses. For now...

shannon said...

SQ, Anaheim next year sounds great! I'm not going anywhere and barring any emergencies, I'll be purchasing my tickets the day they go on sale. Let's keep in touch.

"Justin McB is at least more amusing, when he isn't being offensive, now that he isn't riding."

I agree. I'm liking him more this year than I did last year and actually prefer him in the booth to JW (that is when I'm actually paying attention to what they're saying). I just listened to his remark on Valdiron and while it was a bit ignorant, I don't think he meant to be rude. I kind of understood what he was trying to say: He doesn't have the same kind of pressure of trying to shake off what his critics might have to say about him. Remember last year when Adriano was livid at people for saying that he didn't have what it takes anymore? Unless someone is translating negative remarks for Valdiron, then he doesn't have to deal with that part of it. Was it a wise thing to say? No. Could he have phrased it properly (or better yet, not said it at all)? Yep. But, I'm not too upset with him.

Now, when he talks about how great he is as a rider? Bleh. I'm surprised my eyes don't stick in the back of my head from rolling them so hard.

Stockyard Queen said...

Okay, Shannon, we'll put it on the calendar and if it doesn't work out, we'll let you know immediately. I actually think Justin's assumption that nobody is translating for Valderon is pretty naive. And there is a good chance Valderon understands more English than he can speak. That's the way it was for me, at any rate, when I was studying French. I could understand what people said to me way before I had the guts to try to talk back.
Jean! Glad you're back! I missed you!

shannon said...

Great, SQ! I hope it works out for all of us.

And I get your point about Justin's remark. I hadn't thought of that. I guess because I see Valdiron as so new to the tour that it didn't occur to me that he might already be understanding some English. Of course, I've only been watching since the beginning of last season, so maybe he's been off and on the tour for a while now?

Yes, it wasn't smart of Justin to make that comment. Naive is a good word. Hopefully, someone will bring those things to his attention.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for this blog! Love it, love it, love it! I've posted twice to this thread but my posts haven't shown up so I'm trying again...

Guilherme. What can I say? I think he is flashy! Just look at that last ride. He was spurring like crazy and in total control until he "almost" got bucked and made an absolutely fantastic adjustment to regain control! And that, my friends, should have won him the round and the title!

Anyone want to get together at the Finals? I'll be there both weekends to celebrate my retirement (with Adriano!)

Ronelle said...

Agreed, flashoblue. Spurring the bull into next Christmas looks much better than flailing around on his back. And getting oneself out of a serious predicament with a fantastic correction shows (in my opinion, anyways) more talent than if you'd never have gotten into that predicament in the first place. You never know how good somebody is until you throw the kitchen sink at them. That bull threw the kitchen sink at Guilherme, and Guilherme threw the sink right back at him, then added the bathtub for good measure!