Monday, August 18, 2008

The Bull Diaries

The Stockyard Queen is proud to present Mr. SoCal Jay's rendition of the Paso Robles Shoout-out, for your edification. A few editorial notes:

1) Bulls that have no horns are called "muleys," and any bull can be hornless regardless of breed.
2) The rider who got hurt is Brian Canter. At first blush, it looked like a very bad injury, but it turns out he only has a broken jaw, a serious gash to the back of his head, and facial injuries. In other words, he can walk and won't have any lingering brain damage, which makes it a tolerable accident in bull riding terms.

Without further ado, I give you

Episode 3: Deliverance

Hallahooya, ye brethren! I have observed my very first PBR event—at least on the telly, anyway—and it’s almost as good as my first kiss, lo those many years ago. Like that kiss, the one-hour telecast of the “Paso Robles Shootout” was all too brief. But it was a KISS, if you get my drift . . . .

A brief report:

- The very first bull we saw on the telecast started slamming his horns and head into the gate as the cowpoke got on top of him. Pam said, “Geez!” I said something like, “Doesn’t look too friendly in there, eh?”

- About three or four rides later, during a slow-mo replay of the ride, I noticed about a gallon or so of bull snot and/or slobber flying in all directions. Utterly delighted, I said, “Whoa! Did you see all that stuff FLYING, Baby?” She replied, “Yeah. Ewww. That’s NASTY.” (And as I recall, one of the bulls was named “Snot Slinger,” or something like that. Beautiful!)

- One bull didn’t have horns. Pam said, “Hey! He doesn’t have horns! Are you sure that’s just not a mean-ass cow? I love it!” I replied, “I’d like to think so, ’cause that would be a beautiful thing, in many appropriate ways. But, no, the Stockyard Queen tells me that there is a breed that don’t got no horns. He’s probably one of them. Sorry.”

- A rider, bucked off, took a damn hard hoof to his head/face. Just laid there motionless in the dirt, afterward. They took him to the hospital on a stretcher. Wish I’d thought to write down his name. Hope he’s OK. Hope he’s OK. Hope he’s OK.

- At one point, the announcer said something like, “Well, that bull ain’t helping him at all.” Pam asked, “What does that mean?” I guessed, not really knowing but having a hunch, “Means the bull isn’t being Bad enough, I think. Phoning it in. If you’re a bull rider looking for points, Bad is Good. It’s a Zen thing, cowboy style.”

After all was said and done, I wanted way, way more. (The “Molalla Shootout” is on ESPN2—a channel I get—this Saturday at high noon!) But ya know what? Sometimes a simple, initial kiss is a damn fine introduction. Yip.


Jean said...

Congratulations Jay!! Darned fine report too.

William and I laughed at "Snot Slinger" too.

Did you catch the profile information they were putting up on the screen about the riders? Brian Canter, the guy that got hurt, is 5'4" tall and only weighs 110 lbs. Unreal that the bull didn't just cave in his tiny skull. William said "My leg weighs 110 lbs for god's sake." His cowboy hats look so huge on him that it's real easy to pick him out of the crowd behind the chutes. If you see big white hat with stick legs and arms, that's Brian.

shannon said...

Yay! I'm so glad you finally saw an event and that you liked it. I can't wait for you to see a BFTS one.

I didn't know about muley's when I started watching, either. In fact, as someone who has grown up around dairy cattle (where only the bulls have horns) I was dumbfounded to hear that a lot of cows have horns, too. Huh.

And yes, as Stockyard Queen pointed out, Brian is fine. According to reports on another board, he was seen just this short time after the surgery, at a bull ride as a spectator. More proof of how tough they are--or how crazy--no matter how small.

Jean said...

Don't ask me what made me Google "Snot Slinger" this morning. I cannot explain my brain pre-caffeine. I found out that aside from a goofy name, ol' Snot Slinger is a Bodacious son and his semen is cheap, as semen goes, at only 150.00 per straw.

Have you heard of Bodacious yet Jay? If not, SQ can fill you in.

Stockyard Queen said...

Did it say who his mamma is, Jean? I'm getting very interested in Bodacious daughters, whose sons sometimes do better than Bodacious sons. Hustler, for instance, is Bodacious' grandson out of a Bodacious cow. And he looks just like his granddaddy.

Stockyard Queen said...

I just googled Snot Slinger--damn, that is a fine looking animal. Has bigger horns than Bodacious, but still resembles him in color and build.

Jean said...

I noticed that about him too SQ. I clicked on the pedigree information but it didn't give the cow's name. Do you know if stock breeders ever "line breed", as some people in the miniature horse world do, by crossing half-siblings or grand get.

Montana Barn Cat said...

Excellent report, sir! Yes, a lot of snot and slobber gets slung out there. But it's all fun till someone's head get stomped (which is surprisingly rare.) Those bulls can get pretty nasty in the chute. I once saw a cowboy get knocked out cold when a bull slammed his head into a steel pipe. Those bulls are tricky. You have to be on your toes anywhere around them.