Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Don't Take Me Back to Tulsa

If you have dropped by here at all in the past six weeks, you know that the Stockyard Queen and Montana Barn Cat have been suffering mightily because of the dearth of televised PBR events. You probably also know that the event in Tulsa took place July 18-20, but the broadcast was delayed till Saturday, August 2, while Versus covered the Tour de France ad nauseam. Honestly, it was so wall-to-wall that I’m surprised we didn’t get to see the riders peeing into little cups, which is where the real action in that sporting event takes place.

And you might even know that the Stockyard Queen begged her most loyal readers not to talk about the results of the Tulsa and Edmonton events, so she might have the pleasure of seeing them for herself. You have all behaved admirably—I could not have asked for more.

Now, some people think that anytime you anticipate (maybe “salivate for” is a better description) anything for too long, you’re headed for a letdown. Probably I should have taken that into account, but nothing could have prepared me for how profoundly disappointed I was with the coverage of the Express Classic Presented by Creek Nation Casino last Saturday night.

The program departed completely from the usual PBR offering. The footage was severely edited—we didn’t see anything like all the riders—and the commentators talked about each ride like it was something that happened, well, two weeks ago. Which obviously it did, but after waiting for six weeks to see any bull riding, knowing full well that anytime I wanted, I could find out what had happened, and abstaining from doing so, I was terribly distressed to see the gate open for Mike White’s ride on Troubadour and to hear Justin McKee say, “This was one of the greatest rides in PBR history.”

Thanks, Justin. Thank you so much. But I really can’t single Justin out—all of the commentators were doing it. And frankly I can’t fault any of the rest of them either, since it became abundantly clear that they were sort of chagrined by it as well. I swear they sounded like they were all sitting in a hot tub at Club Med, drinking pina coladas and watching the footage and once in a while saying, “Oh, yeah, here’s that great ride again! Watch him make this correction!” At one point, there was footage of J.W. Hart behind the chutes and McKee remarked, “Hey, J.W., how can you be there and here at the same time?” “I’m multitalented,” J.W. intoned.

Well, I’ve got news for you boys—the coverage was BORING, which is the one thing I’d never expect to experience, watching the PBR. It was BORING despite the fact that PBR livestock director Cody Lambert said, “Since we’ve started the PBR, we’ve had three performances like that.” It was BORING, no matter how much McKee and J.W. harped about what a great event it had been.

How BORING was it? I got up about half an hour into it and cooked a five-course dinner and lit candles and put on my French maid outfit. Well, actually, that’s a lie, but the fact of the matter is, I could have, and probably I should have, instead of sitting there getting more and more pissed off as the boys rambled on like they were all comatose, except for when they just had to tell me what happened before the ride even got started. At least I would have been doing something useful instead of throwing two hours of my life away. It was exactly like saving yourself for marriage and then, after the big event, wondering why you bothered.

Obviously, the PBR is only one outfit that’s covered on Versus, and I suspect that Versus has longstanding arrangements to cover the Stanley Cup, and the Tour de France, but please, guys, don’t do this to me ever again. Frankly I’d rather go without than have to suffer through anything so dull. If I want to bore myself silly, I’ll just go read the tax code or clip coupons or something. That would have been a better investment.


Jean said...

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well. Looks like I didn't miss anything while I was away having fun and humiliating myself at the Glendale event. I wonder why on earth they covered the Tulsa event that way and not the Edmonton event as well. I hope they don't mangle Glendale that way because I'll be hopping mad. I'll have to find the people responsible and roll over their bare feet a few times.

I do wish I'd known about Mike White's ride on Troubadour. He was at the After Party and something like that might have given me the courage to talk to him.

As for the Tour du Steroids, I'm willing to bet that if VS just showed the last 30 minutes of each stage the fans would be happy. I can't imagine even cyclists being interested in watching each entire stage. They're probably up in their French Maid and Cabana Boy outfits after 30 minutes too SQ.

shannon said...

Hey look! I'm back into the comments section! I wonder for how long....

Anyway, I have a friend who is just as much an avid fan of the Tour de France as we are PBR fans and his tv never changes channel while it's on--if he's working during coverage, he tapes it. I would guess he'd say that we are lucky to have as many weekends as we do while he has to wait for that once a year. I'm willing to cut the other sports some slack.

However---what where they thinking?!! There was no reason for them to have covered the event that way! It was completely unnecessary--they could have covered it the same way they did the Edmonton event. I was so excited for Tulsa (in spite of the outcome *eyeroll*) and was so bored that the longer I watched the angrier I got. If you check out other boards, I've only seen one "it was ok" post and one "I really liked it" post. Everyone else is really upset. Quite honestly, I think they owe us an explanation.

The behind the scenes footage and interviews were fun (I did laugh at Brendon and the blood), but should have been held for a highlights show.

Heck, even NBC and FOX have done better jobs than what PBR did with the Tulsa event.

Stockyard Queen said...

I got a perverse satisfaction at what a sissy Brendon Clark is. I always suspected as much and now I have confirmation!

shannon said...

Ha! I didn't have much of an opinion of Brendon one way or another last year, but this year, I've taken to not liking him much at all. I laughed at that whole scene because it's odd to me that a rancher can't stand the sight of blood. I guess because it's never bothered me much.

Oh and apparently there was a reason for them doing the show that way (smaller crew and much less equipment to work with), but I'm not sure I completely buying it.

Stockyard Queen said...

Shannon, you might want to rent "Beyond the Bull," a documentary that aired in 2005 that followed Adriano, J.W., and Brendon for the season. I think you can get it on Netflix if nothing else. One of the reasons I'm willing to cut J.W. some slack is that despite the fact that he's an uneducated redneck, he seems like a nice guy and he treated his fiance (now wife) really nicely. Brendon, on the other hand, was an absolute ******* to his girlfriend, Anna Hunt. Anna breeds bucking bulls and she appears to have way more on the ball than her ertswhile boyfriend.