So let me just start right in on David Neal’s latest and greatest invention, PurePBR. Not satisfied by merely wiring riders so we can hear a thrilling series of grunts, or setting up the Truth Booth so we can experience cowboys utter such illuminating insights as, "That’s a little black bull, and, um, I fell off him," Mr. Neal has decided to bring us even closer to the "action." Unfortunately, Mr. Neal apparently doesn't realize that a clearly uncomfortable circle of cowboys sitting in folding chairs and mumbling unintelligibly is not terribly exciting.
Also unfortunate is that, in addition to being rough and somewhat boring, there were huge sound balance issues, and a couple of the more interesting "moments" were ones that clearly slipped by the TV crew. And while J.W. Hart telling us about flank straps and bull ropes might be marginally intriguing for new fans, it's old hat for the rest of us, and it verges on irritating when they insist on showing Hart nattering with a rope in his hand while they do a split screen and we can barely make out whatever ride is in progress.
And now that they've explained bull ropes and flank straps, what do they plan to talk about for the remainder of the 10 thrilling PurePBR episodes slated for us?
Never fear, I have the solution! Simply hand me the controls to Telestrator (remember when they used that about three times and promptly forgot about it? Or maybe it was like the X-Mo and just on loan), and I would surely spice up the proceedings!
For example, I would be sure to highlight whenever the chute judge begins prematurely yelling at a Brazilian rider, or lets a rider from another country dink around in the chute for a long periods of time with no comment.
Along the same lines, I would happily do side-by-side ride comparisons to attempt to explain to the viewers why one ride gets a widely divergent score from another similar-appearing ride, in my own streamlined fashion.
I would also be sure to point out whenever a cowboy would land in a horrible way on some previously injured body part, only to have Shorty Gorham ask, "Hey, buddy, how’s that elbow?" Maybe he needs more notes in his armband. Or to be able to do his main job without being overtaxed and asked to do things that he clearly isn't quite prepared to do.
I would like to say that I would highlight when Flint is repeating the same material from the last several years, but then again, as he is always sure to point out, they never show him on the broadcast anyway.
And finally, since it was mentioned on the broadcast, we might as well really get our money's worth out of the Telestrator.
Yup, I went there.
Let us hope, for everyone's sake, that PurePBR finds its footing and becomes less of an experiment, and more of an experience. And that I get some coffee soon.