Monday, June 2, 2008


My dear readers, yesterday the scales fell from my eyes and for the first time in my life, I can truly see! How could I have been so stupid up until now? Since you are all astute and curious folk looking for enlightenment, I’m sure you are dying for me to share the source of my new-found knowledge with you, and how can I refuse you, who have done so much to encourage and support me?

So here goes: A loyal reader pointed out to me a comment that Tater Porter made in “8 seconds (or questions) with Tater Porter” on the PBR website: “Guilherme is having an exceptional season and one main reason is because Justin is out of the way. And, as you can tell, Justin is one of my best friends. Justin is out of the way so Guilherme’s doors are wide open.”

Truly, friends, when I read that, everything became clear to me. JUSTIN MCBRIDE HAS SUPERPOWERS! Why didn’t I figure this out before now? It’s obvious, when you think about it. After all, we all know that all Justin McBride has to do is show up to compete AND EVERYBODY ELSE STARTS FALLING OFF THEIR BULLS! Even guys who are riding 80-plus percent of the time will instantly START FALLING OFF THEIR BULLS! Just because Justin is in the house!

How does he do it? Is it enough that he casts his steely eyes upon them, or is it some sort of thought control? Does he telekinetically mess with their bull ropes or tangle the fringe on their chaps in their spurs? Does he have to slip into a phone booth to do his magic? Or is it more like what happens when I propose something to Montana Barn cat that he thinks is ridiculous, and he says to me, “Why don’t you just jump on your ROCKET CAR and get right on it?”

My life is complete now, and obviously I owe Tater a great debt. Now I can give up watching the PBR altogether, and certainly I won’t have to waste another second marking time during the THREE AND FOUR FULL WEEK stretches between events that hover like a juggernaut on the horizon. Folks, I’m proud to testify that I have been cured of my addiction, saved from my lunacy, I have seen the light, and I will never again make the mistake of thinking that any other cowboy on the planet has the slightest chance of beating Justin McBride this season.

But wait! What’s that I hear? DING DING DING Oh my, they’re wheeling in The Stockyard Queen’s Hoof in Mouth Award and presenting it to Tater Porter! And I thought he was telling me the God’s honest truth! Can it be that everybody doesn’t let their “friendship” with Justin pull his cape completely over their eyes?


Leah said...

I can't believe it took you so long to figure all this out. We've all been waiting for you to wake up. I was about to go look for another rodeo-obsessed blog.... :)

Stockyard Queen said...

*hangs head in shame*

I know. Will you ever speak to me again?

shannon said...

So, Stockyard Queen--tell us how you really feel? *g*

It's insane, really. I'm honestly surprised they haven't started showing a picture of him in the corner of the screen during every event titled "Justin Almighty!".

Seriously, though--do they all have any clue how it sounds when they make those comments? I've only been watching since January 2007, so please tell me if any other rider has received so many accolades and comparisons as McBride? The man isn't even riding this year and we can't escape the wonderfulness that is Justin! Adriano won his third title in 2006, right? Did they talk about him anywhere near as much last season as Justin is talked about this season? I don't recall, but then my memory isn't great, so please someone remind me.

Good Lord, you know it's bad when Justin turns out to be the on air announcer to remind everyone that NO ONE, including himself, has ever ridden as well as Guilherme is right now.

Stockyard Queen said...

When Adriano won his third title, Justin had taken time off to be with his new wife and little girl and he was out of the running. I don't recall now whether Adriano had a lead when the finals started, but if he did, it wasn't commanding, and he basically won on sheer guts and determination. He was hurting for certain--after his last ride, he could barely limp out of the arena.

Last year was a cornation of the returning hero, Justin McBride, and to me it got to be a little too much by the time it was all over. Guilherme gave him a run for his money but McBride pulled it out in the end.

But I don't get what's going on this year. It's like hearing about how the Messiah is coming back to save us all. Or from another point of view, waiting for Godot.

shannon said...

So, this is a new sort of thing for them (treating one rider like a God)? God help us all if he ever wins a third title.

There are things about McBride that impress me, but for the most part, he left me cold and their constant pushing didn't help. This year, it's really irritating the you-know-what out of me.

I honestly believe (or maybe I have to or else I'll go insane) that what they mean is: "If Justin were riding this season, we'd see a much closer race". Which is silly because how do they know? But, it's still more acceptable imo--they just need to find a way to rephrase their comments.

Oh! Did I tell everyone (I know I told Shelia) that I complained about this in a comment on McKee's blog and I got an administrative CYA email? I found that amusing, but to their credit, they did post the comment :)

Stockyard Queen said...

The first time McBride won, he was riding just like Marchi is this season, like he couldn't be throwed. He was pretty much on fire.

And I do agree that phrasing things better might help defuse the situation a bit.

You didn't tell me about your CYA email. What exactly did they say? If you prefer, you can e-mail me directly at

shannon said...

Well, I just listened to Tater's interview and, of course, he just talked around the issue. He stated that Guilherme is an excellent rider and an wonderful person. But, then, so are Justin, JB and Kody just to name a few. He thinks that Guilherme has been getting the accolades he deserves and had to state, once again, that because Justin is gone, the door is now wide open for him.

I don't know why I expected anything different. Had I been on the phone, instead of having to email, I'd have challenged with this:

"No one is denying that Guilherme is getting the props he deserves. The real problem I'm having is that no one seems to be able to mention his season without mentioning Justin at the same time!".

However, as the interview went on, I found that I was really enjoying listening to Tater. He does seem like a nice guy in spite of that one comment.